Life Minus A Mom

I know a young man (we will call him Nathan). I have only known Nathan for about six months, but during this time I have become quite fond of him. Nathan’s story (where his relationship with his mother is concerned) is heartbreaking. Without going into a lot of detail, several years ago, Nathan’s mother left her family. She chose her happiness and her “new life” over that of her family’s - - chose it at the expense of the relationship with her son and with her daughter. Even chose NOT to have contact with her children during the past several years. It was unexpected and unfathomable – as Nathan had a pretty close relationship with his mother.

I first heard his story at a time when I was going through something very similar in my own life. At that particular time, my fiancé had abandoned me and his two teenage children to be with his new girlfriend. Similarly to that of Nathan’s mother, he chose his “happiness” and new life over that of the family’s - - and chose it at the expense of his relationship with me and with his children (whom he abandoned in the house in which we lived to move in with his girlfriend!). My heart and spirit were broken and I was struggling a great deal just to maintain some stability in my life and emotions. Upon hearing my story, Nathan told me his story about his mother and it was, at that time, that I realized there were situations that were (in my eyes) far worse than what I was going through. Similarly, though, Nathan thought MY story was worse - - in that way, we helped each other see our situations from a different perspective.

I thought about (and still do) Nathan’s story many times after he shared it with me. It caused me to reflect on my relationship with my son. I try to imagine a scenario where I would walk away from him and tell him that I wanted no contact with him. And even IF I could have imagined saying that, I tried to imagine actually being able to carry it out. Try as I might (and as angry as he’s made me at times…LOL), I cannot imagine such a situation! I try to imagine being so “in love” with someone and wanting to make a new life that I would walk away from, and give up, my son…….again, unimaginable! I then turn it over in my mind and attempt to think of the heartbreak and despair it would cause my son were I ever to be able to say that (or do that) to him. I could never look myself in the mirror knowing that I had caused that much pain to my own child. Finally, I think about how I would have felt had MY mother ever done that to me. I cannot imagine my life without my mother’s influence.

After thinking of that scenario from the various viewpoints, I believe that I can empathize with how Nathan feels having gone through such an experience. Nathan and I have become acquainted pretty well and we continue to do so. I’d like to think that, even though his own mother has been absent in his life for quite some time, that he still has someone who will listen and give him “motherly” advice as it’s warranted. To me, his story is unimaginable, heartbreaking, and infuriating all at the same time.

To Nathan I would say: You no longer have to live your life minus a mom. If you need one, you know where to find me.