Well, I am 7 months post-breakup and feel like I'm not making much progress in the healing process. I still think about what happened and try to find some sense in it, I still search for an explanation, and I still am affected by those feelings. I feel as if it affects EVERYTHING I do and, most of the time, I feel as though I go through the motions of the day with there being little meaning to what is going on around me. I fight every day to put on a happy face and go about life as though nothing has happened, but it is extremely difficult.
I heard the lyrics to a song the other day and it reminded me of how I feel most of the time:
"You cry yourself to sleep
Cause the hurt is real and the pain cuts deep
All hope seems lost
With heartache your closest friend and everyone else long gone
You’ve had to face the music on your own
But there is a sweeter song that calls you home
You’re not alone for I am here
Let me wipe away your every tear
My love I’ve never left your side
I have seen you through your darkest night
And I’m the one who’s loved you all your life- all your life."
This was a religious song, but it seemed to fit how I was feeling pretty well. On top of going through all of this, I find myself wondering why people can't look at me and see very plainly that I am still hurting. Do I really hide it that well? I look in the mirror and see it plainly. Do I act the same as pre-breakup? I don't think I do. I feel as though I'm screaming inside, "IT STILL HURTS!" but that no one notices or can hear me. With family and close friends, it's difficult to determine if people can't see it or if I'm doing a good job of faking it through each day.
We all have our own lives and this at least offers some explanation as to why no one notices - why it isn't plain to those around me. It's life and I need to get on with mine. It's a constant struggle to convince myself that's what has to be done.
You try to hide it, but I can see it, I have always seen it. And I think you know I notice it. It takes someone who has been hurt and who is hurting to see others within this same emotional realm in their lives. I find your song a song of fiction, mostly, but I do agree that you are not alone. And I'm not talking religiously either, as lately my faith is falling apart like a clump of mud that is swiftly drying into sand. I mean that your friend are, and always will be, there for you. So you are never truly alone. Seek comfort in that, because it's all we have on this terrible planet. We are here for you :).
ReplyDeleteThe first sentence in your post shows why people are not "noticing" - 7 months into a breakup! People have enough problems in their day-to-day lives without encompassing someone else's problems for 7 MONTHS! I am sure you have friends who care about you and hate to see you sad, but 7 months is too much to ask. You are wallowing in self-pity here and need to move on. It is over, done, gone and probably nothing you can do will change that or put it back together.
ReplyDeleteYou surely can see that this constant state of misery (see Pat's blog on misery) will lead no where. You must first accept the fact that these things happen and you must now put your best foot forward and advance. The minute you start liking yourself and the world, the world will reciprocate and you will suddenly, one day, find happiness again.
In the meantime, focus on things you can do to keep yourself busy and try and make others happy around you. You will see that in spreading cheer it will be returned two-fold.
Been there - done that.