Have you ever asked someone, "How are you?" or "How have you been?" or any other question in passing just to be nice? If you are like everyone else, the answer to that is obviously yes. But how many times have you actually stopped and waited for the answer or even REALLY been interested in what the answer would be? How many times do you yourself answer that question with, "Fine" when everything is really NOT fine because you don't have enough time to explain how everything is not fine and you wonder if the other person even cares what your response is going to be?
The next time you ask someone any of these "socially polite" questions, wait for the answer, pay attention to the answer, and - last - don't ask unless you are truly interested. You asking someone how they are doesn't make you a better person for asking, it only makes you a better person if you pay attention to the answer - - and being actually interested in the answer is always a plus!
Come on, girl! We all know that there are purely "social" questions which are part of our "manners." We may not pay attention to the response to "How are you?" or even lie when someone asks us. But why, you must ask yourself? Because most social questions are asked by people who are strangers to you and it would be considered rude if you did not ask.
ReplyDeleteWhen we talk to strangers we are presenting our good side and try to show our manners. When we talk to our friends, yes, then we are truly interested. If those people chose to lie to you, then they must have a reason. Maybe they just don't want to discuss how they are. But, if they respond honestly and seem to want our attention, then, YES, give them your attention. If someone blows you off, then they are not really interested in you or your problem or what exciting thing has happened in your life.
Many times I will be talking to people about a subject when I see that I've lost their interest. There may be many reasons for this. They may be bored or just not like the subject you have chosen. Once in a while, yes, they are being rude and self-centered. When this happens, I just click on my memory box and remember not to divulge too much information or content next time to this person, especially when they are clearly self-centered.
So, don't go off on the "how are you" thing - concentrate on what you have to pass on to people and paying attention at the right time.
Time and place for everything.